Screwing up

It was a fine morning today. After calling the Streamyx operator, I found out that my modem was having a trouble. As I could not take this tormenting days without my internet

I decided to make pace to the nearest cyber cafe. yep an addict will do anything to get what he desired. But lucky for me,my provider is just a few metres away :) When I got there the place seems cleaner since they have put up no smoking sign. But the chaos remain the same, underage kids screaming at their top of the lungs enjoying games. I had to numb my ears with all the cursing and tahan nafas with all this bau tak mandi of the kids. And I caught the fella infront of me sometimes had a glance of my red painted nails and my sperm-attacking-an-ovum-HIV -statement white and pink shirt. That's just me. I love to make a statement in the most intriguing and provoking way :) The past few days has been an emptiness to me. Can you imagine how many maxi dresses and cardigans I missed at I love to feast my eyes. My bf think Im making a big fuss of the connection but for me it matters. It's not that Im having a crush on someone that I need to get the connection ,or I need to sign up for my subject but waking up knowing that I could not go through my emails ,facebook , news and online tutorials, thats fucked up. Im'ma get the modem fix I'm hope. After all,wifi are useless for uploading files and videos :(
Days without being able to stare at the empty column of this posting box made me wanna brought up bout the topic. I always think that there is no time for screwing up in my life. If I screwed up during my UPSR,I will not being able to enter CBN and god knows how I'd do in Malay-atmosphere-educated school. If I screw up in my PMR,I will never be able to get to the Science stream. If I screw up in SPM, I will never get to enter Matriculation. And finally when I made to the University, I totally screwed up my paper. Knowing that I wont be able to get first degree make me lose my mind. Whats the point of entering degree if you don't get the best result. But then I figured out, God will never give something that I cant handle. Time will tell where I'm going to end up with. But at this very moment, yeah I screwed up my life pretty much. Behind this naked braces, I am hating myself and I'm miserable knowing that world doesn't revolved around me. Orang kata hidup tak seronok kalau takda masalah. What they really mean is masalah seperti kat mana nak makan, pakaian apa nak pakai, apa rancangan hujung minggu antara gf dan bola sepak. Thats what they really mean. What it should be is everybody should get what they WANT in examination,works and love life!

It's time to depart from this kerusi yg panas sebab haba buntotku so, I see you around soon :)